We have decided to shake things up a bit and revamp the entire guild application. Our main goals were to remove some old questions that are not relevant (anymore), make it funner and funnier to encourage wittier responses, and to sarcastically spell out for people what we DO NOT like. Before taking this "live" we thought we'd run it by you all in case there is something completely misleading or missing from the app. We are pretty happy with it though, so unless there is something that we really obviously missed, we're not going to change it much. And Killian, our Website Glod, is going to make the app into a "form" so we don't have to cut and paste and edit before posting for you guys anymore. So let us know what you think... we hope you like it!

Oh... we are also changing the application process. Slightly. Rather than simply promoting all initiates after their probation is up (assuming they did not turn into asshats), we are going to make them grind some rep with our guildies. They must achieve honoured reputation with at least 3 guild members before they get promoted. Doesn't matter which 3 guildies, which means it will be easier for friends of guildies to get in. If you are one of these guildies chosen and you feel that the initiate really fits in, then post on the applciation thread. This could be as simple as posting that you went on a run with an initiate and thought they were a good fit for us. Once we have 3, we'll let them in. If they somehow are "at war" with any guildie, then they'll have to put in a ticket about it and see what happens. If for some reason an initiate fails to gain honoured with 3 guildies after 30 days we will take away their guild tabard and kick them to the curb... in IF.


Victorious Secret Guild Application:

VS is not actively recruiting for: Shadow Priests, Hunters with flappy pets, Blood Night-Elf Death Knights, Bank Alts, Canadians or Texans.

We do, however have openings for the following positions:
Missionary
Fluffer
Abuse-soaker
Off-tank
Loot Master

Notwithstanding the foregoing, fill in the following application with this quote in mind: "I don't fucking care how much stamina and armor your tank has. I care if you can hold a conversation without making me want to remove my left eye with a spoon.
/2 wtb " - anonymous

Toon Basics
Name(s):
Class(es):
Level(s):
Around Town Outfit(s):
Statistics/Social/Total Times LOL'd:

The Real You
Age:
Sex:
Location (Country, State/Province, City, whatever):
Friend(s) in VS:
Others joining with you (if applicable):

True or False:

1. At least 30 angry, skeptical and often sloshed people will read, judge and banter about every answer on this page. Jokes will most likely be made at my mother's expense and the thread may reach 4 pages before the actual topic of my application comes up.

2. lol can be used in lieu of punctuation.

3. i can talk to u guyz liek this and u wont judge me or think NE less of me lol

4. There is no such thing as TMI.

5. Stalking guildies is a great way to make friends and influence people.

6. Being emo isn't just for kids anymore.

7. If guildies do not acknowledge my every achievement it means I smell.

Multiple Choice:

1. My main goals in game are:
(a) To raid raid raid and get gear gear gear. Nothing else matters, does it?
(b) To hide from the world of raiding. it scares me more than clowns.
(c) To ninja as many guild banks as possible.
(d) To be "that guy" on Trade chat.
(e) To get a Proto-Drake and go afk at Krasus' landing.
(f) To have fun, forget the real world, blah, blah, blah.

2. The main reason I want to be in your guild is:
(a) To make lots of friends and feel popular.
(b) To praise the guild leaders day and night.
(c) No other guild will have me.
(d) To meet hawt gamer chicks.
(e) You have a tabard, guild bank, vent server and run lowbies through instances.

3. The topics I will most likely discuss in gchat are (select all that are applicable):
(a) Asking if someone can run me through quests/instances/achievements.
(b) Asking if anyone else needs a quest/instance/achievement that I need.
(c) Offering to help others.
(d) How great (or not great) my sex life is.
(e) How much shit I have achieved.
(f) Links of epixx.
(g) How crazy my mother is.
(h) Religion and politics.
(i) Food.
(j) Porn.
(k) Boobies.
(l) Nothing. I am too shy to type with others.

4. My posts on the Victorious Secret website will... (select all that are applicable):
(a) Probably be concluded after I post that I'm glad to be a part of your family.
(b) Contain as many pornographic images as possible.
(c) Offer special deals on prescription medications or ways to increase the size of your memmmber.
(c) Be numerous and humorous. My job is boring and I need a distraction.
(d) Get me in trouble with my spouse.
(e) Your guild has a website?

5. My problem-solving technique is best described as:
(a) /gquit to get my point across (In your FACE, Officers!)
(b) I let my anger fester and seethe until I make a spectacle in public.
(c) I never get upset, I am happy all the time. The drugs help.
(d) I discuss my problems rationally with the officers to resolve them.
(e) I never bring my issues up with officers because that makes me look weak.

6. The best dessert is:
(a) Cake
(b) Pie
(c) I treat all desserts equally and do not discriminate.
(d) None of the above.

Essay Questions:

You might not be aware of this, but we are kind of a big deal. And we take the application process very srsly. Keep this in mind when answering the following questions:

1. What other guilds have you been in (if any) and why did you leave (if applicable)?

2. Why have you chosen to join this particular family as opposed to other guilds?

3. What do you believe you'll bring to the mix?

4. How do you believe your personality will mesh with ours?

CAKE #1 WOOHOO

Two things:

1. Was this a mistake or deliberate: "Blood Night-Elf Death Knights?"

2. Some of those true/false questions would be really great as short answers... are we going to encourage that in some way or are we going to stick with T or F? If we are encouraging the short answers you may want to make that clear in the question somehow... (maybe "True or False, and why?" or something).

Oh, and thank you for finally recognizing that there are more than two desert options... The Cobbler, Ice Cream, and Cookie lovers will unite to take over one day, just wait and see!

I would assume "blood (spec'ed) night-elf death knights"....

The ice cream, cobbler and cookie loving faction will indeed unite one day. But due to their chronic inability to make a decision, all that will result is a lot of gained pounds as they sample every dessert in turn while trying to work out the first step in world domination. Meanwhile, the cake faction will have taken over and shipped the pie lovers off to some remote island (perhaps Australia) and will be waiting patiently outside the conference centre (AKA hotel room) to offer them pepto bismol and a place to nap before carting them away.

Also, are you sure 1.e. isn't meant to be a mammoth and AFK'ing at the Naxx summoning stone?

J'APPROVE. I wish I had something more constructive to add but I think this would be an improved, more involved process, whereas we've kind of had a passive approach to people being let in so long as they don't make any waves to piss anyone off for a month, previously. ;)

I would make the problem solving technique item an essay question rather than a multiple choice one. This way you are not leading the answer. Also, multiple choice on this item, while didactic, is more likely to result in the applicant giving us the answer we want to hear rather than the way the person would necessarily act.

Is best to emphasize how we like the applicants to behave rather than the way we prefer they don't behave. Emphasizing on the don'ts may leave the applicant feeling bitch slapped and disrespected.. and I don't know about you, but personally I prefer to keep that for fetish night.

I do have one question: Am I still allowed to talk incessantly about food and how much I like guys?

I would make the problem solving technique item an essay question rather than a multiple choice one. This way you are not leading the answer. Also, multiple choice on this item, while didactic, is more likely to result in the applicant giving us the answer we want to hear rather than the way the person would necessarily act.

Is best to emphasize how we like the applicants to behave rather than the way we prefer they don't behave. Emphasizing on the don'ts may leave the applicant feeling bitch slapped and disrespected.. and I don't know about you, but personally I prefer to keep that for fetish night.

I do have one question: Am I still allowed to talk incessantly about food and how much I like guys?

If you didn't, I would have to file a petition to bring back your one man show "Berg: foods and dudes".

Linn. I love you more than foods and dudes.

That was absolutely awesome.

what's wrong with TEXANS?

I like the new app =)

I like it. I also agree with Homerecker, I think the True or False questions should be short answer. It would really let their personality shine through a little more and some of those questions are just begging for short, smart-ass answers!

The POINT of the T/F and multible choice questions is not so much that we're really trying to get a truthful, thought-provoking answer from them but to passively point out the shit that we've had to deal with that we better not see from the applicant (as far as the obviously negative choices...).

It's a good way to say, "You won't be pulling this shit with us."

We are not interested in the long, drawn-out answers here.

Hopefully, this will shorten the applications so our eyes don't fall out from reading people ramble. They can ramble at the end of the application.

This application is done. If anyone can think of something Major that we've missed, let us know.

We are not interested in the long, drawn-out answers here.


NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

That right there is the only reason I even bother to -read- guild applications. Where will the originality be? The chance to prove yourself, and rise above the norm? To kick ass on high, and rawk the world with your own amazingful greatness?

You cannot confine perfection to a simple "yes or no" question! You cannot stifle creativity with the long wang of the law!

If you take away their one chance to give us a good first impression with their dead-set SEXIness, how will my attention span ever allow them to become good in my eyes? I can't handle change.. I can't handle potential, undiscovered coolness.

Sometimes I -still- think Fox is out to get me, just because he's in a leadership position.

Why would you do this to meee? Why would you do this to -us-?

Didn't I just fucking say that their ramblings will come at the end of the app?

But you've still limited the ramblings. :(.

Ramblez4Life, yo.

I like the T/F format with some Why?'s mixed in. I have never been a fan of multiple choice. No personality comes through. The more they expand their answers, the more the stalker personality or 1337ness may come through. I mean the old one let me slip through the cracks!!!!! By the way, Fox, you really should lock your back door :eek:.

I do like the idea of entertaining other desserts as an acceptable answer. As you "cake only" and "pie only" camps gather your masses on the battle field facing off for the good fight, we of the cookie/ice cream/pastry faction sit back and watch the action enjoying the view. The silent majority will wait until your have beaten each other senseless and then we swoop in and declare freedom for all deserts!!!! I have a dream, when all deserts will be treated as equals...When sugar coated doughnut will be able to openly date the banana cream pie, or the peanut butter cookie enjoy a nice spot on the table with the German chocolate cake. I have a dream!!!!!!!!!!

Yes. We have limited the rambling. That was the idea.

A LOT of people have turned in apps without including the questions to me because it all would not fit into one PM. Posting an app, believe it or not, actually takes some time for me to do (what with the formatting and making everything all nice and color-coded and so on). Having to post an app where I ALSO need to copy and paste all of the Questions is a giant pain in the ass. GIANT. So giant, that sometimes I put off posting these apps because I just don't have the energy to sit there and DO that.

So to all the fans of Enormous, Rambling Applications, I'm so sorry. It's just not happening anymore. They have a nice little place to ramble and show their spelling skillz and personality at the end of the app.

I do like Berg's suggestion for the MC numero 5.

Paladins are chaste...like Galahad.

Question, though: If this is going to be made into a form app, then won't that take some of the posting time out of the equation?

If you want to know the truth, I understood some of the T/F questions as not needing explaination. But a couple of them would be great if we gave a chance to add something to them. Maybe we limit the number of words, "Explain why in 30 words or less" or characters, give them 140 characters like a tweet.

These two are the only ones I thought would be good with some explaination, mostly because I think a short answer would have the potential to see how they would think/react to some of our banter:
5. Stalking guildies is a great way to make friends and influence people.

6. Being emo isn't just for kids anymore.

That said, it was only a suggestion. You obviously put a lot of work into this new app and it looks great.

(Also, if you meant "Blood-spec Night-elf Deathknight" then it may be more clear to add in the "-spec." Unless you think I'm the only one that would find that unclear, in which case I will just sit down.)

Love it!

Hom, the thing is...yes, we can let them give little essays for our questions. And of course, they are going to give us something shiny and nice and agreeble where we all go "Aww...this person seems so nice!"

But once they join, they may end up being something totally different. It happens. So I'm not interested in what THEY have to say about how they'd solve a personal problem online; I just want them to know what's not acceptable and what we expect. I'm telling, not asking.

If you guys go and read what Sapph said before she presented the new application to you, keep in mind that the full membership fate of these people will completely be on your shoulders. So whatever little nuances of the app that bother you, the bigger picture is that once they are in, it's up to you guys to really say if they stay or not. That's pretty huge and I hope you don't take it lightly.

I will put my vote in with those who dislike the lack of input from new applicants. The problem is that we now get four fields where applicants can give answers, and they are not humorous questions, so they don't invite humorous answers.

So. We lose all of the questions that gave us insight into the applicant's personality, and that's not good.

Instead, we get some leading questions in true/false and multiple choice format, questions that tell us nothing about the applicant and -- ulitmately -- tell the applicant nothing about us that the Victorious Secrets thread wouldn't tell them. If the applicant has read the Victorious Secrets thread, then he already knows we don't tolerate loot hogs, l33t kiddies, uberists, and so on. If he hasn't read the Victorious Secrets thread, then we'll learn it pretty quickly in the weeks of probation all applicants get.

I recognize that the officers get tired of reposting long apps. Well, The Don is putting the application online, right? So that resolves that problem.

I think the general consensus is that most of us want to see the personalities of the people who are applying to join our little dysfunctional families. Our old application desperately needed some revision, and I applaud revising it. However, I think the revision was too extreme and cut the heart and soul of our old application -- the things that so many of us enjoyed reading.

Could we compromise by asking specific questions from the Victorious Secrets thread to prove that the applicant has read it, and then go back to asking some personality-oriented short-answer questions?

Some of our "personality" questions totally failed us sometimes, though. I'm hoping that app is clever enough that they can tell we have personality and answer the essay questions the same way. Of course, with the old app, we had to basically TELL them to spell well and be witty and all that and we could certainly do that with this one.

The T/F and MC questions deal with extremely specific things that get on our nerves and I like that. Any guild can say "We don't like loot whores," but we can go further with what we expect here.

The fact is, some people who have came and went totally fit the bill when they joined and turned out to not be loot whores or uberists or homophobic jerks but STILL managed to annoy people. And we're hoping that they get a General Idea of us from the homepage and then get a more intimate idea of us from the App. And then apply if they're still interested.

Actually, I do think a sort of "test question" from the homepage would be kinda cool. Good suggestion.

As Lux has been saying, we thought long and hard about what questions we should cut and what we should do to HIT THEM OVER THE HEAD with what it is we are looking for. And we like what we've done with it. If you all feel strongly that there is not enough space for them to have their personalities shine, we could:

A) Add a couple more essay questions.

B) Make the essay questions humerous (which we debated, by the way).

C) All of the above.

But we could also see how this goes for a few weeks and then tweak it as needed. We haven't even seen what Don can do with it yet so it's hard to judge an unfinished product.

Give it a shot for a bit and see how it goes. If things need tweaking, they can be tweaked.