Are you in the guild? Are you sad and friendless? Would you like some attention for the night? Attention from attractive officers?

WELL HERE IS YOUR CHANCE!

Enter the Slave Raffle to win our attention for the night!

We will hold your hand. Caress your cheek. Slide our tongues over your forearm and stop briefly to suckle your elbow.

We will run instances with you. Wear tiny outfits. Sing your praises on guild chat. MAKE YOU MORE POPULAR.

EVERYONE WANTS TO BE POPULAR.

Love from your family isn't enough! YOU NEED THE LOVE OF A GUILD.

Last VS Slave Raffle Winner Druie says: "I had the best time when I won! Lux and Sapph told the whole guild I was hung like an orca and now I'm never alone! Enter today!"

Here is how it works:
You sign up here. Included, you will write a short essay, saying who you want as your slaves and what you will do with us. Best entries will be picked by us and voted on by the guild via a poll. So think of something for us to help you with!

Who can enter: If you are in the guild and bother to read the forums that you should damn well appreciate having because they're fucking awesome, Enter. Buy our love!

FIVE DOLLAH!

NO FAIR! Well done BTW.

WOW! No sign ups as of yet? What are we waiting for new peeps? Let's get the /roll going. You won't be sorry, especially if the tiny outfits come out. :p

Post a list of those eligible?

What about Frolic in her old healing gear...momma.

Apparently, new people have better things to do than look at our forums.

Hey guys.... if you have a friend that has joined recently that could be eligible for the raffle could you kindly point them towards this thread?

kthnxbai

No, fuck them. ;)

Okay, I'm changing the rules. Please read the first post.

Oh My,

This truly has potential. NO THIS IS NOT MY ESSAY.

Define "short essay" for me please.

My oeuvre necessitates verbosity.

I hereby sign up. I could use a few minions.

Might I be able to write this essay "in character"? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE!

Alright. Your essay does not have to be superlong or anything. It could be a paragraph or if you have really good ideas, just write and write until you are done.

I'm in. For slave or master. I suck at essays. Maybe I'll write one and edit tomorrow.

Post a list of the possible slaves I can have please :)

I'ma have to think about this one. Due date? :)

Darthcake peered intently at the object of his unrequited adoration...perhaps today was the day, he thought to himself, as he absent mindedly fondled the locked sack of Hyldnir Spoils. Gretta the Arbiter had denied him the reins of the white polar bear well over one hundred times. Mindless tasks such as beating the Vrykul slaves or forced combat amongst the Brunnhildar challengers had tested his patience and tempered his lust for this azure Botticelli. The lock shattered and the all too familiar acrid odor of yeti cheese permeated his nostrils...Brows furrowed slightly, Darthcake nodded at his glacial beauty, turned quickly and strode off muttering under his breath.

Approaching K3, Darthcake spotted Roxi Ramrocket and smiled broadly...she would never give him a sack full of smelly cheese. The gryphon ride from K3 to Dalaran was uneventful, although Darthcake could not get this odd phrase out of his head...GRATS ON WASTING YOUR LIFE...where had he heard that before? The gryphon had to circle a few times in order to locate a spot to light upon the over-crowded landing pad. Darthcake needed a drink; but he was inexplicably drawn to Marcia Chase and the alluring blue exclamation point hovering above her head..how the hell does she do that, he pondered.

Marcia...Marcia...Marcia, let me guess...you want me to go snag a feces encrusted piece of junk in the sewers? Uh Huh, Marcia replied with an evil grin. One day I will catch the sewer rat and the first thing I will let it do is chew your fingers off. Well then I have nothing to worry about, do I...hmmm?

Darthcake mounted up on his Choppah just in time to be knocked into the fountain by a gnome riding on a polar bear; while he was in there he decided to dig around amongst the coins for the Lady Jaina Proudmoore gold coin that had been eluding him. The detritus left by the fountain goldfish made his work unappealing enough to decide to get out of the water and head towards the sewers once again. Gnomes should be forced to ride upon rabbits or squirrels...Darthcake thought to himself as he trudged along in wet platemail.

The banter of Jadaar and Asric assailed Darthcake's ears as he tried to locate a patch of bobberless water; he could not help but smile and reminisce about when repartee was part of his daily ritual...nowadays if he replied with more than a grunt of assent or some unintelligible blather of slurred speech, it was a special event. Sneering savagely back at the raggedy visage that stared up at him from the murky depths; Darthcake thought to himself that perhaps it was time for a vacation. Sen'jin would be nice...the tralls loved him there and he loved the tralls back...a lot. A certain blue trall named Susie came to mind as his reverie was shattered by his bobber darting beneath the surface of the grimy water; he set the hook and up came a noisome sludge covered mass that Marcia coveted.

Darthcake spun around to head back to Dalaran proper and <smack> a dripping wet piece of parchment hit him square in the chest and stuck there; he peeled off the smelly mess and peered at it.

Are you in the guild? Are you sad and friendless? Would you like some attention for the night? Attention from attractive officers?

WELL HERE IS YOUR CHANCE!

Enter the Slave Raffle to win our attention for the night!

We will hold your hand. Caress your cheek. Slide our tongues over your forearm and stop briefly to suckle your elbow.

We will run instances with you. Wear tiny outfits. Sing your praises on guild chat. MAKE YOU MORE POPULAR.

EVERYONE WANTS TO BE POPULAR.

Love from your family isn't enough! YOU NEED THE LOVE OF A GUILD.

Last VS Slave Raffle Winner Druie says: "I had the best time when I won! Lux and Sapph told the whole guild I was hung like an orca and now I'm never alone! Enter today!"

Here is how it works:
You sign up here. Included, you will write a short essay, saying who you want as your slaves and what you will do with us. Best entries will be picked by us and voted on by the guild via a poll. So think of something for us to help you with!

Who can enter: If you are in the guild and bother to read the forums that you should damn well appreciate having because they're fucking awesome, Enter. Buy our love!

Well that is truly serendipitous, Darthcake thought to himself as he limped off to pen his reasons for having some other folks accompany him to the Hell in the bucket he had been riding in lately.

"FACE DOWN IN THE GUTTER"; those words echoed in Darthcakes head as he devised the mechanations that would drive his run. Walking that fine line between pleasure and pain would not be a problem for the Deathknight...he had seen everything...and done it twice. Poor liver...can you hold together for one more trip into the depths of narcissistic boozing? Perhaps...Perhaps not; but he was willing to die trying.

Now onto the venue for the event...it has to be and Old World Dungeon...someplace non-cliche...someplace with lots and lots of hot blue she-tralls...someplace with tigers...and...and...fishing..YES!...TRALLS AND TIGERS AND FISHING...Oh my...Zul'Gurub it is.

Next for the rules of the game...

The Run has three parts...

1) The Instance: Zul'Gurub
2) The Motorcycle Race: Ironforge 500
3) Bloodsport cake baking: Completing the bloodsport quests and competitive baking all in one

Who I will need: (in alphabetical order) Amanda, Frolic, Lushy, and Trianna and anyone else who feels that they would like to witness this event (don't know if that is allowed).

What I will do to you: keep all of you inebriated and deliriously happy

Preferred Poison of the evening...Jack Daniels (exceptions can be made for non-bourbon drinkers)

I wish to leave some items to the imagination and if that costs me the win...oh well.

Mish won the /roll in her first month with the guild, so I would like to nominate Maublitz.

Maub has just dual-specc'd and he needs serious Tankadin lessons and healer support while practicing. Unfortunately, the only healer willing to be at his beck and call is Padmay, but being that she is only level 47 and kinda pathetic at healing still, it would be extremely cool to let him be taught by the exceptionally talented - not to mention good-looking - officers of VS.

If my blatant sucking up (and I am willing to offer more) hasn't endeared you to Maublitz's plight, I certainly wouldn't mind being offered the chance to have you wonderfully intelligent, magnificently talented and exceptionally gorgeous officer(s) helping to power-level Padmay so that I can add one more sexy drood to the mix, since we just don't have enough droods in the guild at all. She will be my tank/healer if I can get enough practice to improve those mad skillz of mine.

All Producers and Caterers will be eligible for slavery.

To Include: Myself, Fox, Sapph, Mayhew, Frolic, Dondoh, Trianna, Amonsul.

I'm available too, even though I've been a lousy caterer (I'll have more free time soon I promise)! Uvula is damn sexy, and she and Domneth love a good threesome!

And since other guildies will be voting on the winner sucking up to us isn't going to help your chances much ;)

Are there a finite amount of slaves one can abu...er...have along doing fun things?

OK, if sucking up won't get votes, How about 10g for everyone who votes for Maub to get his Tankadin lessons...?

This will take some time. I have to prepare the perfect entry.

Let it be noted that if you already won a slave night in the past, you are not qualified to enter. :D