Mish, I'd rather have an essay from Maub himself if he wants to enter, and a seperate one from you.

Because what you gave is basically a paragraph that suggests both of you and there will only be one winner.

Sorry I forgot you, Rastus! I knew I was forgetting someone...

Yes, Pils. A finite number of slaves.

I want Dondoh to be my slave. I want him to cook my meals, clean my house, scoop the cat box, and do my laundry!



Oh wait. Nevermind. Carry on.

Wait, this totally throws me off! I'm so used to being a smartass about slave night and me trying to /roll. Now you guys are going to make me think?!? Watch for smoke and a way better post.

Yes, Pils. A finite number of slaves.

How about hired mercenaries?

I vote for Pils, his essay is full of win :)

We're going to wait a few weeks to get all the essays and THEN put up a poll for everyone to vote.

I vote for Pils, his essay is full of win :)

<3 <3 <3 Thank You for the early vote of confidence, Jack. I have almost developed the plot, and then no more posting until they essays are due. :)

First off, we begin the Slave Night at 9 o'clock server time. Pre-gaming for this event is not allowed. Nor are pants. Everyone, excluding me, will be pantsless. Also every slave will wear a Pimp hat. And I mean this hat http://www.wowhead.com/?item=45998. And every slave will wear this http://www.wowhead.com/?item=4335 and wield http://www.wowhead.com/?item=45861. Nothing else! Anyone not able to don such lovely items will of course have to be naked.

The agenda for the night will be to lead my level 1 character around. To be slightly helpful to the Slaves, I will create a gnome and have it run to Stormwind. No portals,summons or mounts are allowed. You will have to accompany my gnome until he gets to Stormwind. If my gnome happens to die, everyone must take a shot. Now, don't just think you can go and AoE everything to death before I get to it. You have to stay at most 5 yards away from me. Any deviation from this will result in the Slave having to find the nearest tree and begin to hump it, screaming out how much they love trees until I deem them worthy of being near my prescence. Also, you cannot use spells or abilities. You must kill anything around me with pure white attacks. Anyone caught using spells or abilities will have to find the closest bunny and begin to ask it for a kiss. Once I have deemed for you to be humiliated enough because the rabbit won't kiss you, you will once again be allowed in my presence. And I will not be nice and try to avoid monsters. I will run straight to them, as I will more than likely be inebriated and want everyone else to join me. Since there is no spells or abilities allowed, healing is also out. If I see one heal hit me, the Slave who did so will take a shot. Then beg for my forgiveness over ventrilo.

Once my gnome reaches Stormwind, I will want to kill Hogger. And not just once. 3 times we must kill Hogger. And every time we do kill him, everyone takes a shot. Now, the shot does not have to be anything in particular but the shot will be made. This is my Slave Night and I will be damned if everyone is not drunk. If you prefer to drink beer, then you must chug for 3 seconds. And no sissy chugs either. You're drinking that damn beer and more.

After Hogger has been taught a lesson and more than likely quite a few Slaves as well, I will be tired of running and will demand of one of the Slaves to ride me around on their bike. I will wish to see the countryside of Westfall. Also, I will designate one of my Slaves as my personal Flag Bearer. Since they won't have a flag, they will run behind me in the bike, proclaiming loudly (in Ventrilo as well) to everyone how awesome I truly am. This ride through Westfall could take 5 minutes, it could take 30. I will wish to pay my respects to Gyran Stoutmantle. And have a shot with him. My Slaves will of course join me in said shot.

Gyran will no doubt tell me how bad the Deadmines has been for everyone around Westfall, pointing out the Defias Traitor, the low levels running around wanting money from him and the fact that he stays in Sentinell Hill rather than try to find a wife. Since I'm such an awesome gnome, I will of course tell him that I will take my band of merry Slaves and empty the Deadmines for him. But not before having my Slaves run 10 laps around the tower in Sentinel Hill, screaming how awesome I am.

From Sentinel Hill, we will head towards the Deadmines. As by this time we will be royally drunk, we will actually end up in Duskwood. Since Morbent Fel is so close by and I will be so drunk by this point, I will yell out that Mor..I mean Van Cleef must die and run into Raven Hill. At this point,I will allow abilities and spells so that Morb....I mean Van Cleef can die as quickly as possible. Then everyone will celebrate one last shot on top of his corpse while praising me as the best Slave Master evar.

Ooooooh mah god.

Uh oh.

Um... Wow. We might have gotten ourselves in trouble here.

This is what happens when I'm not allowed to /random for the past couple of Slave Raffles. Maybe next time I'll get a /random :P

But...I don't want slaves...

Perhaps Stranger does?

My slaves will ALL be in Gypsy Leathers.

In a fit of rage and anger, exactly 3 braincells and no less than a handful of DNA flung through the world of Azeroth. Destined to cling to anything metallic, they settled upon a rusted dagger that was casually tossed into the gutters of Darnasus.

The dried and congealing demonic blood encrusted upon this dagger, mixed with it's new-found DNA eventually found it's way into the gaping orifice of a young un-wed Night Elf by the name of Shlamanda. Less than a year later, a boy was born because of this concoction. He was named Oshu.

No one liked Oshu. Any attempt at being friendly failed miserably so instead he decided to devote his live to returning the pain to others, deserved or not. Although Oshu was elvin, he did not find any solace in casually drinking wine or light spirits. Instead, he opted for the type of drink that would bring Dwarves to their knees, Orcish-folk often looked up to the Elf for his blatent disregard for his internal organs and digestery.

For many years Oshu trained to bring the most pain conceivable to all that opposed him. Even if such attacks brought pain upon himself 10-fold. This was a being that did not care of the reprocussions. Poisons, sharpened stivs, tossing dirt into his opponets eyes, it did not matter.

For a year, this Elf stalked a spider within the tombs of Blackrock Spire and learned of it's secrets. He managed to obtain the fang and gnarled legbone of this elusive spider which the then used to waylay further oponents.

The gates of Ahn'Quiraj were bashed in, after much co-operation by everyone within his realm. Lusting for more spider death, Oshu leaped forth into the fray with no regard of his fellows or his own well-being.

He was never seen again...

Until now.

Included, you will write a short essay, saying who you want as your slaves and what you will do with us.

All of them. I want to JOLT them.

How about four slaves? I definitely will need four slaves.

So...when is the last day for us to provide our novelette for public scrutiny?

First off, we begin the Slave Night at 9 o'clock server time. Pre-gaming for this event is not allowed. Nor are pants. Everyone, excluding me, will be pantsless. Also every slave will wear a Pimp hat. And I mean this hat http://www.wowhead.com/?item=45998. And every slave will wear this http://www.wowhead.com/?item=4335 and wield http://www.wowhead.com/?item=45861. Nothing else! Anyone not able to don such lovely items will of course have to be naked.

The agenda for the night will be to lead my level 1 character around. To be slightly helpful to the Slaves, I will create a gnome and have it run to Stormwind. No portals,summons or mounts are allowed. You will have to accompany my gnome until he gets to Stormwind. If my gnome happens to die, everyone must take a shot. Now, don't just think you can go and AoE everything to death before I get to it. You have to stay at most 5 yards away from me. Any deviation from this will result in the Slave having to find the nearest tree and begin to hump it, screaming out how much they love trees until I deem them worthy of being near my prescence. Also, you cannot use spells or abilities. You must kill anything around me with pure white attacks. Anyone caught using spells or abilities will have to find the closest bunny and begin to ask it for a kiss. Once I have deemed for you to be humiliated enough because the rabbit won't kiss you, you will once again be allowed in my presence. And I will not be nice and try to avoid monsters. I will run straight to them, as I will more than likely be inebriated and want everyone else to join me. Since there is no spells or abilities allowed, healing is also out. If I see one heal hit me, the Slave who did so will take a shot. Then beg for my forgiveness over ventrilo.

Once my gnome reaches Stormwind, I will want to kill Hogger. And not just once. 3 times we must kill Hogger. And every time we do kill him, everyone takes a shot. Now, the shot does not have to be anything in particular but the shot will be made. This is my Slave Night and I will be damned if everyone is not drunk. If you prefer to drink beer, then you must chug for 3 seconds. And no sissy chugs either. You're drinking that damn beer and more.

After Hogger has been taught a lesson and more than likely quite a few Slaves as well, I will be tired of running and will demand of one of the Slaves to ride me around on their bike. I will wish to see the countryside of Westfall. Also, I will designate one of my Slaves as my personal Flag Bearer. Since they won't have a flag, they will run behind me in the bike, proclaiming loudly (in Ventrilo as well) to everyone how awesome I truly am. This ride through Westfall could take 5 minutes, it could take 30. I will wish to pay my respects to Gyran Stoutmantle. And have a shot with him. My Slaves will of course join me in said shot.

Gyran will no doubt tell me how bad the Deadmines has been for everyone around Westfall, pointing out the Defias Traitor, the low levels running around wanting money from him and the fact that he stays in Sentinell Hill rather than try to find a wife. Since I'm such an awesome gnome, I will of course tell him that I will take my band of merry Slaves and empty the Deadmines for him. But not before having my Slaves run 10 laps around the tower in Sentinel Hill, screaming how awesome I am.

From Sentinel Hill, we will head towards the Deadmines. As by this time we will be royally drunk, we will actually end up in Duskwood. Since Morbent Fel is so close by and I will be so drunk by this point, I will yell out that Mor..I mean Van Cleef must die and run into Raven Hill. At this point,I will allow abilities and spells so that Morb....I mean Van Cleef can die as quickly as possible. Then everyone will celebrate one last shot on top of his corpse while praising me as the best Slave Master evar.

I LOVE THIS!!!!

I would be your slave even if you didn't win the contest Ressick! Sounds like a drunken blast!

I think we should make Sunday, August 2nd the deadline. Get your shit in!

AHEM....Shaerl.

AHEM....Shaerl.

OMG...THIS IS LIKE IRAN. I PROTEST BLATANT FAVOURITISM!

COME SEND YOUR GOON SQUAD...I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR THEM!

Darthcake peered intently at the object of his unrequited adoration...perhaps today was the day, he thought to himself, as he absent mindedly fondled the locked sack of Hyldnir Spoils. Gretta the Arbiter had denied him the reins of the white polar bear well over one hundred times. Mindless tasks such as beating the Vrykul slaves or forced combat amongst the Brunnhildar challengers had tested his patience and tempered his lust for this azure Botticelli. The lock shattered and the all too familiar acrid odor of yeti cheese permeated his nostrils...Brows furrowed slightly, Darthcake nodded at his glacial beauty, turned quickly and strode off muttering under his breath.

Approaching K3, Darthcake spotted Roxi Ramrocket and smiled broadly...she would never give him a sack full of smelly cheese. The gryphon ride from K3 to Dalaran was uneventful, although Darthcake could not get this odd phrase out of his head...GRATS ON WASTING YOUR LIFE...where had he heard that before? The gryphon had to circle a few times in order to locate a spot to light upon the over-crowded landing pad. Darthcake needed a drink; but he was inexplicably drawn to Marcia Chase and the alluring blue exclamation point hovering above her head..how the hell does she do that, he pondered.

Marcia...Marcia...Marcia, let me guess...you want me to go snag a feces encrusted piece of junk in the sewers? Uh Huh, Marcia replied with an evil grin. One day I will catch the sewer rat and the first thing I will let it do is chew your fingers off. Well then I have nothing to worry about, do I...hmmm?

Darthcake mounted up on his Choppah just in time to be knocked into the fountain by a gnome riding on a polar bear; while he was in there he decided to dig around amongst the coins for the Lady Jaina Proudmoore gold coin that had been eluding him. The detritus left by the fountain goldfish made his work unappealing enough to decide to get out of the water and head towards the sewers once again. Gnomes should be forced to ride upon rabbits or squirrels...Darthcake thought to himself as he trudged along in wet platemail.

The banter of Jadaar and Asric assailed Darthcake's ears as he tried to locate a patch of bobberless water; he could not help but smile and reminisce about when repartee was part of his daily ritual...nowadays if he replied with more than a grunt of assent or some unintelligible blather of slurred speech, it was a special event. Sneering savagely back at the raggedy visage that stared up at him from the murky depths; Darthcake thought to himself that perhaps it was time for a vacation. Sen'jin would be nice...the tralls loved him there and he loved the tralls back...a lot. A certain blue trall named Susie came to mind as his reverie was shattered by his bobber darting beneath the surface of the grimy water; he set the hook and up came a noisome sludge covered mass that Marcia coveted.

Darthcake spun around to head back to Dalaran proper and <smack> a dripping wet piece of parchment hit him square in the chest and stuck there; he peeled off the smelly mess and peered at it.

Are you in the guild? Are you sad and friendless? Would you like some attention for the night? Attention from attractive officers?

WELL HERE IS YOUR CHANCE!

Enter the Slave Raffle to win our attention for the night!

We will hold your hand. Caress your cheek. Slide our tongues over your forearm and stop briefly to suckle your elbow.

We will run instances with you. Wear tiny outfits. Sing your praises on guild chat. MAKE YOU MORE POPULAR.

EVERYONE WANTS TO BE POPULAR.

Love from your family isn't enough! YOU NEED THE LOVE OF A GUILD.

Last VS Slave Raffle Winner Druie says: "I had the best time when I won! Lux and Sapph told the whole guild I was hung like an orca and now I'm never alone! Enter today!"

Here is how it works:
You sign up here. Included, you will write a short essay, saying who you want as your slaves and what you will do with us. Best entries will be picked by us and voted on by the guild via a poll. So think of something for us to help you with!

Who can enter: If you are in the guild and bother to read the forums that you should damn well appreciate having because they're fucking awesome, Enter. Buy our love!

Well that is truly serendipitous, Darthcake thought to himself as he limped off to pen his reasons for having some other folks accompany him to the Hell in the bucket he had been riding in lately.

"FACE DOWN IN THE GUTTER"; those words echoed in Darthcakes head as he devised the mechanations that would drive his run. Walking that fine line between pleasure and pain would not be a problem for the Deathknight...he had seen everything...and done it twice. Poor liver...can you hold together for one more trip into the depths of narcissistic boozing? Perhaps...Perhaps not; but he was willing to die trying.

Now onto the venue for the event...it has to be and Old World Dungeon...someplace non-cliche...someplace with lots and lots of hot blue she-tralls...someplace with tigers...and...and...fishing..YES!...TRALLS AND TIGERS AND FISHING...Oh my...Zul'Gurub it is.

Next for the rules of the game...

The Run has three parts...

1) The Instance: Zul'Gurub
2) The Motorcycle Race: Ironforge 500
3) Bloodsport cake baking: Completing the bloodsport quests and competitive baking all in one

Who I will need: (in alphabetical order) Amanda, Frolic, Lushy, and Trianna and anyone else who feels that they would like to witness this event (don't know if that is allowed).

What I will do to you: keep all of you inebriated and deliriously happy

Preferred Poison of the evening...Jack Daniels (exceptions can be made for non-bourbon drinkers)

I wish to leave some items to the imagination and if that costs me the win...oh well.