Okie dokie. So, I'm feeling much better today. My mom took me grocery shopping and right now is cleaning the apartment cause I'm not allowed to do any of that. This is gonna be a long post. Just a warning :)

So, I went to the hospital to have an ovarian cyst removed. It was sitting on my right ovary. After the surgery they placed me in a semi-private room in the maternity ward. Apparently that's where they put gyn patients if the ward isn't busy. I had been told that if my ovary was damaged that the doctor would remove it. I'm pleased to say that I got to keep my ovary! Hoo-ray!

My best friend for the first night and day was a button that dispensed Demerol. I loved that button. I still miss it.

My roommate was actually really quiet, or maybe I was just too hopped up on pain killers to notice her. The one thing I didn't like was the screaming babies. Holy crap! There were babies screaming all night long! It made it difficult to sleep.

On Friday night they said that they were going to move us. The maternity ward was getting really busy. It took them about 3 hours to move us. :( I was lying in bed when a nurse passed by and said “Oh, haven’t you guys been moved yet?” Oy. I got sent to a private room (it's what I had requested originally) in the surgery ward.

Although there were no screaming babies in this ward there was a yelling guy. This guy made it very hard to sleep. He wasn’t even in my room and I could still hear him. He kept saying “Help me! Someone please help me!” or “Take it off. Please take it off”. I couldn’t figure out why he was so disoriented. My former roommate later told me that he was on detox. He kept arguing with the nurses too. Anyway, I’ll take that over screaming babies any day of the week.

I’d just like to put in a paragraph here about gas. When you pass gas at home you get comments like “Phew! What have you been eating!” but when you pass gas in a hospital I swear balloons and confetti fall from the ceiling and you hear a fanfare. They are obsessed with gas and the passing thereof. Every time the nurse would come in she’d ask me if I was passing gas. Eventually I just wanted to stick my ass in the nurse’s face and let ‘er rip. If I could have lifted my ass I probably would have.

Well, I’ve rambled on long enough. The best part was coming home of course. I even got a souvenir from my stay. I kept the one of the staples that was keeping my incision closed. It was the last one and it took two nurses to get out. I call it “Satan’s Staple”.

So, thanks for all the love you guys! I’ll be back in WoW as soon as I can sit down for any length of time. It shouldn’t be much longer.

Oh and Torrin, Burce called. He’s looking for ya. ;)

Demerol = Happiness!

I was on IV Demerol once, but it was a military hospital, so no buttons to self administer. However, I remember when the nurse hit me up with it... It was icy cold, and I could feel the cold travel up my arm, across my shoulder, up the side of my neck to my head. Then fireworks and ballons and happy times! It was cool!

Sadly no demerol for me. Though our clinic here is very effecient:

Fever, allergies, PMS, concussion, flu, scratched by a cat, minor broken bone = 800mg Ibuprofen

Broken arm or leg, major concussion, superficial gunshot or shrapnel wounds, minor internal bleeding = vicodin

major compound breaks/shattered bone, multiple gunshot wounds, severe head trauma, eye wounds= percocet and referral for an appointment at Landstuhl (hope you don't bleed to death on the 5-hour drive).

Note: these treatments are comprehensive- no matter what is wrong with you, painkillers and nothing but painkillers will make it better.

Gotta love Army medicine.

Heh, I had the benefit of military doctors growing up. Doesn't matter what was wrong with me, I got the little red pill.

I dunno wtf was in the little red pill but I am now immune to just about every OTC medication.

Torrin,


You better be achieving things in RL to be away for so long!

I hope for your sake, that you're writing a book. And I hope for my sake that its half as entertaining as your posts.

Torrin, same with me. I took so many of those 800 mg horse pills in the Air Force, that no OTC painkillers do a damn thing for me. Even in the hospital, giving birth, all the morphine/nubain/demerol/whatever they were trying to fill my veins with didn't work. So make that OTC AND Stuff In Hospitals. And I've tried percocets a few times and they do nothing at all. What is the big fuss?

Glad you're home, Oriole! Did you get to see any new babies?

Glad you're home, Oriole! Did you get to see any new babies?

OMG! I did not see any new babies but I did get to listen to them scream ALL NIGHT LONG! I have a feeling someone was taking blood samples cause those babies sure can SCREAM! I was sooo glad to be moved to another ward.

Glad to see you back and intact, Oriole! WOOHOO FOR PAINKILLERS!!