No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands and I can get my own friggin' towel.

1. I HATE religious zealots telling me I'm going to burn in some fictitional fire realm because I won't bow down and follow the "codes" written 2000+ years ago by some backwoods goat fucker who chiseled his "ideas" into a slab of rock.
2. I HATE that these same fucktards will also defend said "slab o' rock etchings" without any sense of reason or logic.
3. I HATE that they then have the nerve to get pissy with me because I won't "have Faith" and I put down their beliefs WHEN THEY WERE THE ONES TO START THE ARGUMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE or at least prepare to defend your beliefs when you ATTACK ME!
4. I hate spinach. Nasty shit.
5. I hate lying, cheating whores.
6. I hate this ineffective, anally retentive "Judicial System".
7. I abso-fuckin-lutey hate that fudgepacker Cockinross. I just want to reach through my monitor, grab that fuckwad by the throat and squeeze until his head pops like the balding, make-up wearing zit that he is....
8. I hate lazy fuckers that think the world owes them a living because they're "speshul" or have some sort of "disability". News flash ass-holes, the fact that you are the stupidest fuck on the planet DOES NOT mean you are disabled!
9. I think spending billions by going to war, bombing your enemy back into the stone age and then giving them billions more afterwards to "rebuild" is a pointless waste of fucking time, money and our soldiers lives. Pick one or the other. Either turn them into a permanent fucking crater or send in Realtors and buy the damn place, either way it's cheaper and more efficient.
10. I hate listening to these so called "minority" groups constantly bitching about how they're being "put down by the man" and demanding equal treatment and shit. It's 2006 assholes, GET THE FUCK OVER IT. You want someone to bitch at go talk to your fucking no-talent rappers who can't seem to write a "song" without using the words nigga, ho, or bitch every other sentence.
11. I hate rap "music".
12. I hate the French. The French and all the other cock-sucking countries in Europe that continually bash the U.S. and yet are the first ones to cry for help when they get hit with some natural disaster or invaded by some nutcase and his legions of followers.
13. I hate politicans.
14. I hate these ugly-ass cardboard DVD snapcases.
15. I hate the fact that I can't just shoot these useless bastards that are somehow drawn to me like fat chicks to a buffet.
16. I hate Kevin Federline. Reality check ass-hat - YOU'RE FUCKING WHITE! Where's a falling anvil when you need one....
17. I hate reality television programs. It's bad enough we have to see these hideous retards in the real world why must they invade our tv world?!!
18. I hate that Firefly got canceled. I need my Joss Whedon fix!!!!!!!!!!!!!
19. I HATE these fat-ass welfare whores that sit on their couch watching Oprah all damn day pumping out babies, eating Bon-Bons, and collecting even bigger checks so that they can buy an even better tv and SUV while I struggle and slave away at a pointless job that I HATE just so I can pay my friggin taxes so that they can sit on their fat asses all damn day without a care in the world.
20. I hate people. Nukem.
21. I hate that our servicemen/women, police, fire, etc. get paid crap to risk their lives EVERY DAMN DAY while some snot-nosed punk kid gets paid MILLIONS to play a fucking game and then has the nerve to whine because he can't wear his gangsta clothes while he's sitting on the bench with his boo-boo wrist. For the amount of money these pussies get paid they should have to play with the injuries, on a field filled with landmines.
22. I hate MS Windows.
23. I hate cities.
24. I hate food establishments that don't have Dr. Pepper on tap.
25. I hate people that tell me something "won't work" because I don't do things the "normal prescribed ways".
26. I hate that I can't tie my ex-wife to a chair out on the range and leave her for the Commanches, or run her over with a dumptruck.....
27. I hate the Commiewealth of Massachusetts.
28. I hate people that claim homosexuality is a "cultural choice" and then get pissy when you sarcastically point out that Cannabilism is also a "cultural choice" but you don't see us BBQ'ing our neighbors.......
29. I hate poeple that think their point of view or beliefs are the only ones that matter...
30. I hate the fact that in 7 years when my daughter starts dating that the one I have to worry about trying to get into her pants isn't her date but probably the guy's father or the waiter at the restaraunt, the popcorn guy at the theater, the gas station attendant or any of the other sicko's in this fucking world that should have been KILLED the first time they were caught molesting children.

...i like spinach...(runs away)

That's some serious fucking RAGE!

The rage is relentless!

26. I hate that I can't tie my ex-wife to a chair out on the range and leave her for the Commanches, or run her over with a dumptruck.....

I'm surprised that one didn't show up earlier on the list...
You and me both man.

What do you have against Jak's ex-wife?

You all are too angry. Have some sake.

What do you have against Jak's ex-wife?


Heh, I guess that did sound like I was against his ex...sorry, meant mine. And by the way, I hate his ex too, just because!

...I think someone might need a little nap.

Damn - GO RIPP GO!!! You are my Hero of the Week

I hate girls that scream for help

7. I abso-fuckin-lutey hate that fudgepacker Cockinross. I just want to reach through my monitor, grab that fuckwad by the throat and squeeze until his head pops like the balding, make-up wearing zit that he is....


I laughed to hard I cried a little.

Yeah that hammerhead is a freak job.

I for the record have nothing against boys that wear make-up, it the fact that he's a total internetz cam whore and that he does it on a WoW guild forum that gets me.

I for the record have nothing against boys that wear makeup either.

Except when they try to molest me in a college bathroom.

NO MEANS NO!

I just hate him because he loves himself too much and is a total tardwad on vent. One of those people that may look interesting but underneath all the show, there is just a boring, non-funny fucktard.

Cockenross, I want you to show me on this doll where the bad man touched you.

Ripp Rant FTW!

And number 28 made me blow diet coke out of my nose. HEE!

30. I hate the fact that in 7 years when my daughter starts dating that the one I have to worry about trying to get into her pants isn't her date but probably the guy's father or the waiter at the restaraunt, the popcorn guy at the theater, the gas station attendant or any of the other sicko's in this fucking world that should have been KILLED the first time they were caught molesting children.

I hear ya on this one bro, my daughter is 12. Have her dates fill this out:

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage and medical report from your doctor.

Name:________________________ Nickname/Alias:___________________
Date Of Birth:____/____/____ height:______ Weight:______ I.Q.:______
G.P.A.:________ Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Driver's License#____________________
Boy Scout Rank:_____________Good Standing: Yes_____No_____
Home Address:_______________________________
City/State/Zip_____________________________
Home Phone#: (___)___________ Car Phone#:_______________ Pager#:__________
Do you own
a. Van?____
b. Truck with oversized tires?____
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____

Do you have any of the following:
a. An earring_____
b. nose ring______
c. belly button ring_____
or piercings on any other body parts_____
Explain:_____________________________________________________
Tattoo?______

(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________________________

Church you attend_____________________ How often______________________
Best time to interview your pastor?_______________________

Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be confidential.
a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken broken is: ________________________________________________________________________
b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is ________________________________________________________________________
c. Now answer the question you filled in on B ________________________________________________________________________


d. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you?


e. If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is ________
f. The first thing you noticed about my daughter is

(If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.)


NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application, enter the witness protection program.

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS.
________________________________________
Signature (That means sign your name)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing black masks speaking in a thick brogue carrying armilites (You might want to watch your back).

If I ever accidentally have a daughter, it's straight to Burma where she will become a Buddhist Nun. I mean, she will be on a plane before the mother's epidural wears off.

I hate that men only realize how NOT to treat a girl after they have a daughter :D

Gran - That was great! I have a copy saved on my hard drive now, and will remember to use it when the time comes, even though that time damm well better not come for about 20 years or so...
I figure when my daughter starts dating, I'll insist on meeting the fella immediately, at my house. When he walks in, I'll be sitting on the couch in my boxers, with a beer in one hand and a shotgun in the other. I'll mumble some things under my breath and wave the shotgun around. That should do it.

Oh yeah:

I hate that men only realize how NOT to treat a girl after they have a daughter :D

F@*& YOU! That is not true...maybe for most males, because we are scum, but that cannot be used as a blanket statement.
Love ya Sher!

I already know what's gonna happen. He'll come in & meet me, my brothers, and one or two of my cousins from Ireland. We'll grill him, put the fear of the "our family's last name" into him then ask him if he wants a beer. God help him if he says yes. All I need is to make one example and I should have nothing to worry about until she goes to college. That's a story for another day ;)

keep a trophy shelf behind your desk... with little jars with pigs testicles in them and names like 'Bobby' or 'Jason' and then some empty ones right beside them..

That'll put the fear of castration into them, which... might just be all they need.

And Zan... your passionate response to my blanket statement simple reinforced my opinion. :D

hey baby wanna ride?

I hate feeling crappy! I hate it! HATE IT!