If you receive an email entitled 'Bedtimes'

Delete it IMMEDIATELY. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 0898 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.

IT WILL CAUSE YOUR TOILET TO FLUSH WHILE YOU ARE SHOWERING.
It will drink ALL your beer.
FOR GOD'S SAKE, ARE YOU LISTENING? ?

It will leave dirty underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine. If the 'Bedtimes' message opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk.
***WARN AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN. ***

And if you don't send this to 5000 people in 20 seconds, you'll fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you, sending sparks that will ignite the person nearest you.

Send this warning to everyone!!!
THERE'S A LOT OF SADNESS IN THE WORLD!
Right now, as you read this, 17 Million people are having SEX!!!

And look at you - you're on the computer!!

Damn, I opened it. NOW WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?

It seems that fire extinguishers can put out the flames of an ignited co-worker.

Damn chain letters!


/delete

I like Weird Al's warning better...

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please
We wanna give you a warning
'Cause I found out this morning
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus
If you should get it, an email with the subject, 'stinky cheese'
Better off protecting your chances
Under no circumstances, should you open it
Or else it will

Translate your documents into Swahili
Make your TV record "Gigli"
Neuter your pets, and give you laundry static cling
Look out!
It's gonna make your computer screen freeze
Look out!
Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs
Look out!
Erase your hard drive and your backups too
And the hard drive of anyone related to you

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls
It'll make your keyboard all sticky
Give your poodle a hickey
And invest your cash in stock in Euro Disney
Then, it will tie up your phone, making prank long-distance calls
It'll set your clocks back an hour and start clogging the shower
So just trash it now, or else it will

Decide to give you a permanent wedgie,
Legally change your name to Reggie,
Even mess up the pH balance in your pool

Look out!
It's gonna melt your face right off your skull
Look out!
And make your iPod only play Jethro Tull
Look out!
And tell you knock-knock jokes while you're trying to sleep
Look out!
And make you physically attracted to sheep
Look out!
Steal your identity and your credit card
Look out!
Buy you a warehouse full of pink leotards
Look out!
Then cause a major rift in time and space
And leave a bunch of Twinkie wrappers all over the place
That's right it's a

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now

If you get infected, you'll wish you had never been born
So before it emails your grandmother all of your porn
Turn off your computer and make sure it powers down
Drop it in a forty-three-foot hole in the ground
Bury it completely; rocks and boulders should be fine
Then burn all the clothes you may have worn any time you were alive!

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody

Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody
Warn all your friends, send this to everybody
Tell everyone you know, tell everybody now
What are you waiting for?
Just hurry up and forward this to every single person that you know!
Hit send right now!