A guy walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees
that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be more
than ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks,
'What's with the money in the jar?'

'Well......you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money
and the keys to a brand new Lexus.'

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. And so he asks, 'What are the
three tests?'

'You must pay first...... Those are the rules,' says the bartender.

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender the $10 and
the bartender drops it into the jar.

'Okay,' the bartender says, 'Here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in a minute or less, and
you can't make a face while doing it.

Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have
to remove that tooth with your bare hands.

Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who has never had sex.... You
have to take care of that problem!'

The man is stunned. 'I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I won't do
it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila, and then do all those
other things...'

'Your call,' says the bartender..... 'But, your money stays where it is.'

As time goes on, and the man has a few more drinks, he finally says,'Where's
the damn tequila?'

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears
stream down both cheeks... but he doesn't make a face, and he did it in
fifty-eight seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door, where he sees the pit bull chained to a
pole. Soon the people inside the bar hear growling , biting, and screaming
sounds... then nothing but silence!

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the
bar, with his shirt ripped open and there are scratches and he's bleeding
all over his body.

He says, 'Now where's that old woman with the bad tooth?'

Ewwww....

Ha ha. Here's one I recently received:

A young boy comes down for breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he has done his chores.

'Not yet,' said the little boy.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.

Well, he's a little ticked off, so when he feeds the chickens, he kicks a chicken. When he feeds the cows, he kicks a cow. When he feeds the pigs, he kicks a pig.

He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

'How come I don't get any eggs and bacon, and why don't I have any milk in my cereal?' he asks.

'Well,' his mother says, 'I saw you kick the chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week.

I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.

I saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk.'

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, 'You gonna tell him or should I?

hehe. Nice one. I enjoyed them both.