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10. Noisy doors.
You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked through them, about once a month some guy in accounting would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master WD-40


9. The Federation.
This organization creeps me out. A planet-wide government that runs everything, and that has abolished money. A veritable planetary DMV. Oh sure, it looks like a cool place when you're rocketing around in a Federation Starship, but I wonder how the guy driving a Federation dump truck feels about it?


And everyone has to wear those spandex uniforms. Here's an important fact: Most people, you don't want to see them in spandex. You'd pay good money to not have to see them. If money hadn't been abolished, that is. So you're screwed.


8. Reversing the Polarity.
For cripes sake Giordi, stop reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup, they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff. "What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by reversing the polarity."


Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.


7. Seatbelts.
Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of inventing some furutistic restraining device to prevent that from happening." So of course, they did make something like that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There goes Kirk's torso!"


6. No fuses.
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.



5. Rule by committee.
Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best SF show on TV last year:

Star Trek:

Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look
pensive."


Firefly:

Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye Aye, sir!"


4. A Star Trek quiz:
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?


3. Technobabble.
The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunnelling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.


2. The Holodeck.
I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegie the holodeck clean.


1. The Prime Directive.
How stupid is this? Remember when Marvin the Martian was going to blow up the Earth, because it obstructed his view of Venus? And how Bugs Bunny stopped him by stealing the Illudium Q36 Space Modulator? Well, in the Star Trek universe, Bugs would be doing time. Probably in a room filled with Roseanne lookalikes wearing spandex uniforms, walking through doors going WHEET! all day. It would be heck. At least until the Kaboom. The Earth-shattering Kaboom.

I love #5 with the example from Firefly. I hate Fox for cancelling that show.

Was it on Fox? That doesn't surprise me...Fox is notorious for finding great new shows and them canceling them as soon as people are emotionally invested in them.

LOL

Was it on Fox? That doesn't surprise me...Fox is notorious for finding great new shows and them canceling them as soon as people are emotionally invested in them.

Eh, they're not alone in that...look what NBC did to Freaks and Geeks!

And yet ER chugs along on goodwill...Becker is still on, right? RIGHT?? And hold the phone, the SciFi Channel renewed Who Wants To Be A Superhero...

There's no real justice in the world when "Firefly" was cancelled and yet "Will & Grace" got more than a single season.

Was it on Fox? That doesn't surprise me...Fox is notorious for finding great new shows and them canceling them as soon as people are emotionally invested in them.

yeah they are. Remember the show John Doe? I really liked that show and I know lots of people that watched it. They canceled it after 1 season. LAME
At least when they canceled Family Guy they brought it back later.

Except that Family Guy kinda blows.

Yeah, I couldn't find too much to like about Family Guy.

Except that Adam West was the Mayor. I found that kind of amusing.

LOL, very awesome!

I always pretend that what happens in the Foundation series is the eventual collapse of the Federation, even more fun reading that way.

And John Doe THOUGHT they were getting a second season, so they ended on a terrible cliffhanger.

Three things.

I understand that many people don't get Family Guy.

I pity them.

Kae and I are watching Serenity right now.

The problem is that I DO get it and have to wonder if anyone who is Not Me actually gets a "King and I" reference. Especially in Fratboyland. It feels like a fratguy show that is trying to cater to a different type of person (those who may read books) and I don't GET why they are taking that approach. It's not high comedy. YMMV.

I hate Fox for cancelling that show.

OMG, FoxFyr canceled Firefly? Why, Fox? Why? And now he's sitting there watching Serenity? Why, so you can say how pitiful we are, the millions of Browncoats in the world who just want to see more Firefly and not have to watch Morena Baccarin and Adam Baldwin be subjugated to bad Sci-Fi Channel made for TV movies?

And I bet it was your idea to put Jewel Staite on SG: Atlantis, too. Completey splitting up the team so they can never make another series...

I hate you Fox!

Oh my, I have so many comments to make on everything said here, and I can't type them out. I'm going to go get a beer...

Fox, do you still talk to Simon??? TELL HIM HE IS A DREAMBOAT.

They continued the reverse polarity thing in Voyager, except this time it was the Vulcan Mind Meld!

Captain: I got a headache.
Tuvak: This is a rare and dangerous procedure... MIND MELDED!!!!1
Quark: My lobes!
Seven: I'M B0RG, LOOK AT MY TITTIES.
TuPac: Ima-gah pop a mind bullet in yo ass! MIND MELDED!!!!1
Doctor: mmm titties.
Chakotay: Um.. huh? Oh, yeah.. spirit guides and stuff. booga booga!
Dax: Hi.. I'm from another series, but if you see that Torrin guy tell him I want to have his babies.
Tuvak: wtf?
Captain: ya srsly, wtf.
Neelix: I once saw a Torrin, he was walking across the plains of Mulg...
Everyone: STFU Neelix.
Paris: God, Neelix. Why are you such a douche?
Torres: Ok, bitches. Sit down and shut the fuck up before I go all PMS Klingon.



aaaaaaaaand Scene.

I don't even know what to say to that, lol so I will go with I love Family guy, South park, Smallville, Lost, Heroes, L&O, L&O SVU, Stargate, and Stargate Atlantis. :-)

p.s. I love Waffles

I don't even watch Family Guy, but I know that I love it because:

1.) It is written by manatees, and I love manatees!
2.) My brother told me that in one episode a bee flies around and announces that he is Mayor Bee, free honey for everyone!

Therefore, it may continue to exist under the Ing Administration.